The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
