did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
