a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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