so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
