This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She needs sedatives and a leash
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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