i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize