when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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