moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
