I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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