i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
