i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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