You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
