Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
