I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
