what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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