SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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