Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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