Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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