He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
