He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's always time for handjobs
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
