the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
