I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
