i was born a porn star she said
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
