When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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