My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
