I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
