apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
