He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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