i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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