Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
