I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
