My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
