I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
