textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
