I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
