I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
