the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You've changed since you got that strap on
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
