everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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