You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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