I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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