Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
