It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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