actually, I'm a sock model
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize