Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
