When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
