I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
