so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
