Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I fill condoms, not promises.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
