Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
