Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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