The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
