Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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