The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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