im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
