fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
