My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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