During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
