I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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