i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
