so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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