Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
