There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
