Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
