What did we do last night that was yellow?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
