you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
