You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
