You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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