Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
