Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
