i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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